Jessica: [after kissing April] I feel so lesbian now.

April: So....can I see it?
Jessica: I don't think you get the gravity of this situation here.
April: Sorry....can I see it? Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.

Jessica: Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eighth graders, but you have no idea what it's like to be a girl who has to shave her chin every morning.
Hildenburg: [crying] Yes, I do.

[Clive, in Jessica's body, looks at a box of tampons frantically]
Clive (Jessica): I gotta do WHAT?!